I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
