all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
