i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
