He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
