i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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