I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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