I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
