i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize