Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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