franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
