Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
