i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
