at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
