I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
