Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
