There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
