The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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