Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
