you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
