Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
