I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think your dad took our porno
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
