so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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