I hate all girls vehemently.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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