if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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