Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
