are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
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I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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