They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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