I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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