a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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