the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
