She said her name was "party"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
