tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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