Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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