It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
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Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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