I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
