he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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