Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
