As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
