hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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