No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I made him laugh his dick is mine
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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