I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And then he peed in my hair
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