she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
