shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
