there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
