Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
