Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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