booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
