Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
