This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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