This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
