I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
