So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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