It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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