i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
