Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
this will be a night to untag.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
