dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
