Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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